I rarely want to talk or type any more so this is really rare for me. I know my depression will pass, it's like clouds, they can hang around for a while but I do know they will pass.

Now I go through depression now and again, but there are times that it just crushes me. I feel like I'm 500 pounds and the air is syrup and it takes a lot of focus to breath. That's what I've got right now. It's shares the same space with conflicting thoughts and feelings. I want to lay down and sleep, I can't sleep. I was hungry, so I made food and now I feel sick ... but not hungry. Now that I think about it, it's very rare to be full and comfortable. I am bored but I've got tons of things I need to do. I'm sure it's not hard to see how I can be feeling insane or nuts because of this. I feel like there is something I should be doing, but I can't think of anything major. It''s just small stuff that adds up.

Medication? Oh hell no, the side effect are worse than the problem, I would rather be awake and depressed than sleeping away my life yet happy for those few hours a day I'm awake.

As for other things in my life? Last time I posted I was looking for some one, but I've stopped looking as I've got an On-Line relationship which keeps those urges met. I really do enjoy being a lone. I've learned that people bring me problems, and if I want less problems, I don't hang around people.

Come on, happy thought, happy thoughts. I baked a whole chicken with oregano and salt. It was mighty tasty with crispy skin and juicy tender meat. I've struggled to make bread, or bread like substances but it never tastes right.

I'm sensitive to everything except vegetables and that totally sucks. Meat causes me problems, oil causes me problems, and the rest cause me problems, you know caffeine, chocolate, sugar, breads, grains, soy, salt, dairy. Think of every food you love to eat and say, "Nope, that's going to sick, or in pain." I can get away with tea ...maybe and meat if I boil most of the oil out and have only a very small amount. Doctors think it's a heart problem. Seriously two years of my life wasted going to these over paid backwater over-educated retards. They all did the same thing, and Three out of Three doctors say it's a heart problem. Than why do I have to wake up in the middle of the night to burp to get my heart to stop pounding? I burp, I feel better. Anti-gas doesn't do anything, anti-acids make it last twice as long, and I can't get any strong acids to drink, just two horse pills of vitamin C and hope that does the trick. I have to twist doctors arms to get a one week anti-yeast infection medicaton and that eases 25% of the problem until it grows back, I can't get any anti-by-ot-ics because it creates super bugs, but I've got a bug or something eating me and my food in my digestive track.

I've learn so much about the body and learned that it's many things going wrong. I've got a weak fatty liver, low stomach acid, possibly a dieing or almost dead gal bladder, and an infection in the upper digestive track which eats my food before I do and produces CO2 causing the odorless burnless burps. The infection agitates my digestive system so much that there is this buzzing feeling in my chest and that will over load the nerves in my heart until my heart signal blocker gives up and goes to 160 beats per minute to respond to all the damn signals going through my Vega nerve. Doctors want to burn the nerves off my heart as a solution. UMMmmm .... NO! How about we take care of the problem not just treat the symptoms. What would I like to do ... umm wipe out they entire digestive flora and once it's all gone, to replace it with a healthy balance so I can eat again.

Oh well, I've got to go to work now. I feel better just getting this off my chest ... hahaha no pun there. Any ways, Nothing I or any one can do. It's just the bolder I have to carry.