And I do not mean a date or loving relationship that does not really interest me as I gave up on that a long time ago instead what I mean is finding a rl friendship in the fandom has been very hard these past 6 months when I realized it was time that I decided to come out from hiding from the community, and do not get me wrong I adore the fact that I have online friends that are there for me when they can be and that alone has gotten me through the summer and all the crap that came along with it and I cannot really express how much I appreciated and continue to appreciate it.

What I mean with this post is I was and now currently I am again searching for someone I can become rl friends with in my area I live in, I know people that have close rl friends that are in the community and I am happy for them, but the personal search was not going so well until I found someone who showed interest in hanging out and was a furry, I was very happy to meet him and we talked on almost a everyday basis so eventually we hung out a few days ago and as far as I know he enjoyed himself as well as I did.

But ever since the last few days he has grown somewhat distant and in fact the entire tuesday he did not even acknowledge my existence even though he was online and active for a good amount of the night and I am not talking about this site of course otherwise I could start some unwanted drama in which I have had enough of and is not my intention, but it kind of hit me hard as I have already been suffering from pretty bad depression as it is and well most of my life I have had problems with this since a kid to be exact sadly due to at school and home bullying.

I admit some of the messages I sent was me trying to get his attention and I admit that to him that I was feeling very lonely and since he is a counselor I think he might of read it differently from what I was actually trying to do which was get his opinion because I thought of him as a close friend but instead I got a remark saying that by saying things that would comfort me would not help and I Would rely on him everytime I felt bad instad I needed professional help in which I did get and it helped to a certain degree, he also said that I needed to stay positive even when it is hard and I again agree with him but that's easier said than done.

I still am very happy he helped me out but at the same time I think it pushed him away because almost everything I send him now is just silence I get nothing from him back, I now believe he is ignoring me and I might not be able to blame him as there is also more to this story but that is what I think put a nail in the coffin of our friendship, and that is all I ever wanted in the first place was to hang out with him when we could and just talk when he is on even if it is just a simple hello, but that is also shot down with pure silence.

I am going to try and not give up and if he hits me up again I will greet him with open arms, but seeing how it took six months and possibly being turned down I do not think I can handle it and if he really is not going to talk to me anymore I do not know what to do because when it sinks in it is going to hurt a lot.