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What I learned from 2016
8 years ago
2016 was a terrible year in many ways and contexts, but it has been alright in some parts of it. I am going to refrain mentioning all the death of stars and sports people through unfortunate events as I would prefer to keep this sort of thing personal. In any case,
This year has had me go through:
1. consistent illnesses in regards to the same reoccurring ear infection, skin irritations and other health complications. These things haven't destroyed my life but has been a huge pain in the ass of how damn persistent these little bitches are.
2. lots and lots of waiting due to people being late or simply unavailable to do their service. Things like waiting months on end to get an update on a picture I commissioned or waiting months to see a psychiatrist to help figure out how messed up my head is. I like to think this year taught me to enjoy patience but it also tells me "Why the fuck do you let people do whatever the hell they want and you are left in the dark?" I am too polite though, so I hope this patience lasts for life.
3. understanding that my sexuality is still something I don't completely grasp and that it isn't something to worry too much about. At most I may be greysexual, not asexual, as I tend to not be attracted to random people I see. But I have connected the dots that I get gradually more attached, attracted and affectionate to those I happen to be around a lot. Something of which I like to reassure those that it isn't something to be worried about as these feelings come and go in waves. So far I've told two friends I had or have feelings currently for them and didn't receive a similar reply from them. This is ok as I do remind myself that commitment is terrifying and I'd rather not pull someone I know and care for down with myself.
4. for fuck sake, me, try to be a little more positive about yourself. I understand things as like I am appalling, unappealing, gross and weird but I don't need to treat myself like I am a fucking plague. I've been doing it all year, I should probably try to stop that.
5. my best friend came out to me as transgender. I put this one separate from the rest for the point of how important it is to me. As one of my very close friends that I talk to frequently came out that she isn't a he and this is how she is. Undergoing hormonal treatment, going to take voice lessons eventually, got her name and birth cert changed legally and is on the path to be a woman. To all those going through a similar situation, you have my upmost respect. My friend has had to lie and pretend everything was alright but it was painful for her.
6. some friends will disappear completely and won't want to be found again. I knew someone and he was a cool and nice guy for when i knew him years ago. He didn't recognize or care about my existence a couple of months ago and was extremely troubled. Suicidal in his words and frankly hateful towards me. They didn't give a shit, they didn't care, but I did. One moment where I snap and he was gone, like how he wanted. I still miss him despite how we didn't talk much at all. I can only hope he hasn't killed himself or hurt anyone, frankly I'm hurt and slightly traumatized inside. Like I should have been a better friend, but that's hard when I struggle to talk to friends. Only a select few do I feel comfortable being around. Still wish that didn't happen
7. religion bothered me so much that I fear I'll never be Christian again. I met some bad people before and I've met some Christians who seem like a devil in a white robe. From when I went to church I was told that God is a God of love, not someone who wants only a select few to be loved and everyone allowed to be shot, burned, murdered and raped because they are not following him. A certain individual was overjoyed about the Pulse club shooting in the US about the man doing God's work or something. Whatever, it's too hot of a topic to go into. People who have religon go that far into your head, fuck you. Your 'soul' is nothing more than furnace fuel for hell.
On that last one, I stopped caring about other stuff. I simply can't think of what else has happened. Here's to 2017, in this god awful Australian heat, I can only hope that the world is not set on fire next year. I can only hope.
This year has had me go through:
1. consistent illnesses in regards to the same reoccurring ear infection, skin irritations and other health complications. These things haven't destroyed my life but has been a huge pain in the ass of how damn persistent these little bitches are.
2. lots and lots of waiting due to people being late or simply unavailable to do their service. Things like waiting months on end to get an update on a picture I commissioned or waiting months to see a psychiatrist to help figure out how messed up my head is. I like to think this year taught me to enjoy patience but it also tells me "Why the fuck do you let people do whatever the hell they want and you are left in the dark?" I am too polite though, so I hope this patience lasts for life.
3. understanding that my sexuality is still something I don't completely grasp and that it isn't something to worry too much about. At most I may be greysexual, not asexual, as I tend to not be attracted to random people I see. But I have connected the dots that I get gradually more attached, attracted and affectionate to those I happen to be around a lot. Something of which I like to reassure those that it isn't something to be worried about as these feelings come and go in waves. So far I've told two friends I had or have feelings currently for them and didn't receive a similar reply from them. This is ok as I do remind myself that commitment is terrifying and I'd rather not pull someone I know and care for down with myself.
4. for fuck sake, me, try to be a little more positive about yourself. I understand things as like I am appalling, unappealing, gross and weird but I don't need to treat myself like I am a fucking plague. I've been doing it all year, I should probably try to stop that.
5. my best friend came out to me as transgender. I put this one separate from the rest for the point of how important it is to me. As one of my very close friends that I talk to frequently came out that she isn't a he and this is how she is. Undergoing hormonal treatment, going to take voice lessons eventually, got her name and birth cert changed legally and is on the path to be a woman. To all those going through a similar situation, you have my upmost respect. My friend has had to lie and pretend everything was alright but it was painful for her.
6. some friends will disappear completely and won't want to be found again. I knew someone and he was a cool and nice guy for when i knew him years ago. He didn't recognize or care about my existence a couple of months ago and was extremely troubled. Suicidal in his words and frankly hateful towards me. They didn't give a shit, they didn't care, but I did. One moment where I snap and he was gone, like how he wanted. I still miss him despite how we didn't talk much at all. I can only hope he hasn't killed himself or hurt anyone, frankly I'm hurt and slightly traumatized inside. Like I should have been a better friend, but that's hard when I struggle to talk to friends. Only a select few do I feel comfortable being around. Still wish that didn't happen
7. religion bothered me so much that I fear I'll never be Christian again. I met some bad people before and I've met some Christians who seem like a devil in a white robe. From when I went to church I was told that God is a God of love, not someone who wants only a select few to be loved and everyone allowed to be shot, burned, murdered and raped because they are not following him. A certain individual was overjoyed about the Pulse club shooting in the US about the man doing God's work or something. Whatever, it's too hot of a topic to go into. People who have religon go that far into your head, fuck you. Your 'soul' is nothing more than furnace fuel for hell.
On that last one, I stopped caring about other stuff. I simply can't think of what else has happened. Here's to 2017, in this god awful Australian heat, I can only hope that the world is not set on fire next year. I can only hope.
