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UPDATE - PREPARING FOR THE END
7 years ago
It has become apparent to me tonight that I can no longer sustain this career.
I just had a customer demoralize me to the point that I've lost the will to go on. I don't see a viable future in this business anymore and will begin searching for new employment immediately. Even though I'm still without Identification the paperwork for my birth certificate has been acquired and I've been waiting for results for the last six weeks. With luck it'll arrive soon and I can make my way down to the tag agency to rectify this situation.
I've already put in some applications to some work from home jobs that I qualify for but most likely I'm going to have to go back to something like fast food or bottom level labor.
I''ve been unable to progress on my backlog and even nightly streams have begun to stagnate with me being physically unable to complete all of the work in the few hours allotted. I've gained 40 pounds and become ill from stress of not being able to pay bills and the knowledge that this has destroyed my reputation. I have 20+ projects that are months overdue and I just don't have the time to get to them. With my body broken and the workload being way over my head I've just been treading water for most of the year.
The only thing that could save me at this point is if I could get enough people to sign to Patreon for a minimal amount to reach a sustainable level to cover the cost of bills. Since the damage to my credibility has already been done the likelihood of this is...slim at best.
I've been criticized for being slow and pushed around for it. Almost all of this is due to the fact that my drawing arm is torn to shreds and it makes even light work excruciating. This is no fault of any of you but I've tried to just power through it for years. At this point and at this rate I'll be lucky to hold a pen at all by the end of the year.
It's highly probable that with rest I could still produce some really great work, but not at the pace of a nine-to-five job like I've been attempting. This reality is punching me in the face every waking hour and I'm too exhausted mentally and physically to stand up to it anymore.
Cutting work entirely isn't possible at the immediate moment so I'll still be running streams regularly until I find new employment. To those on my backlog I cannot express how deeply I feel regret and shame for not providing you with your product up to this point. As soon as humanly possible I will refund you all until the backlog is gone. I've failed many times before but this is of such monumental proportion that I will carry this for the rest of my life.
I'm so very sorry I've let you all down.
-Nate
I just had a customer demoralize me to the point that I've lost the will to go on. I don't see a viable future in this business anymore and will begin searching for new employment immediately. Even though I'm still without Identification the paperwork for my birth certificate has been acquired and I've been waiting for results for the last six weeks. With luck it'll arrive soon and I can make my way down to the tag agency to rectify this situation.
I've already put in some applications to some work from home jobs that I qualify for but most likely I'm going to have to go back to something like fast food or bottom level labor.
I''ve been unable to progress on my backlog and even nightly streams have begun to stagnate with me being physically unable to complete all of the work in the few hours allotted. I've gained 40 pounds and become ill from stress of not being able to pay bills and the knowledge that this has destroyed my reputation. I have 20+ projects that are months overdue and I just don't have the time to get to them. With my body broken and the workload being way over my head I've just been treading water for most of the year.
The only thing that could save me at this point is if I could get enough people to sign to Patreon for a minimal amount to reach a sustainable level to cover the cost of bills. Since the damage to my credibility has already been done the likelihood of this is...slim at best.
I've been criticized for being slow and pushed around for it. Almost all of this is due to the fact that my drawing arm is torn to shreds and it makes even light work excruciating. This is no fault of any of you but I've tried to just power through it for years. At this point and at this rate I'll be lucky to hold a pen at all by the end of the year.
It's highly probable that with rest I could still produce some really great work, but not at the pace of a nine-to-five job like I've been attempting. This reality is punching me in the face every waking hour and I'm too exhausted mentally and physically to stand up to it anymore.
Cutting work entirely isn't possible at the immediate moment so I'll still be running streams regularly until I find new employment. To those on my backlog I cannot express how deeply I feel regret and shame for not providing you with your product up to this point. As soon as humanly possible I will refund you all until the backlog is gone. I've failed many times before but this is of such monumental proportion that I will carry this for the rest of my life.
I'm so very sorry I've let you all down.
-Nate
Best of luck in dealing with your paper work soon. I hope that you find some solace in the work you do on payroll. It's not glamorous or especially fulfilling, but you'll be able to write checks for bills. You may never get back ahead of the game and you'll probably be dragging a ball and chain of debt and shame with you as you go on, carrying the dead weight of once vibrant ideals, but hey. Money makes the world go round, and all. I know how it feels.
Your art work has always been brilliant. It's a pity to see it snuffed out under the steam roll of such high demands. You could possibly try to make adjustments, but it sounds like you've given up the ghost. It's best to just let it go, forget art, because clinging onto the notion that you are an artist will only distract you from being one of the many. It may be even more crushing than the feeling of being unable to fill out commissions but at least you're getting pay.
If I may make a suggestion, see about getting some psychotherapy in there, with a professional, while you're making your progress to paying people back. Your health and happiness doesn't need to wait until after you're off the hook. It's more important than ever to see to it while you're in the thick of it. It's better to feel through your feelings than to just go numb to it and lay down in wait for the world to steam over top of you.
Anyway, I hope to see you around again. It's a pity I could never get a leg up early enough to support you and exchange for some lovely art, myself. I've always loved your work, especially with anthros. Oh well, these things happen. Being an artist isn't easy.
I fully understand why you need to give drawing a rest, but we hope you'll still write journals, share art, maybe even get your own commissions done with other artists, perhaps even collaborations. A lot of people would definitely miss your presence. *^^*
I'm sorry to see you leave Nate, I really do like the pieces you've made and I hope you can get a great job to pay the bills. Maybe in the future all this will pass but the likelihood of that is slim as trolls will begin their onslaught on talking about reliability when they have no idea nor care as to the nature of WHY you have to retire.
Those of us who have been enjoying your work will still love ya, don't forget that. <3
I wish you all the luck in the world, in whatever direction life takes you.
If you do decide to stop, I won't hold it against you. And I don't think anyone else that truly cares about you as more than just "some furry artist" would hold it against you either. You're a people too, dang it! X3
I'm really sorry to hear this, I hope maybe you could at least strike a balance and find part time work that doesn't drain you so much so you could split it with art. I hope it works out somehow for you to still be able to be happy.
It's really a shame if people are aware of your situation but still give you a hard time. It sounds like you're doing your honest best to take care of things as you can. Your physical and mental health should have value to them in spite of potentially being out some bucks for a while. As mentioned above, oh, the joys of capitalism...
I sure hope you can find a decent way through this, and that it doesn't completely destroy your potential for doing art. That would be a loss for everyone, not least of all yourself.
In any case, it sounds like you need to take care of yourself, and find the means to work on healing your drawing arm.
I sure wish there was something I could really do to help, but my good wishes go with you. Best of luck!