Looking back at the worst and then seeing ahead of where I am now, it's incredible to see where I changed and where I went wrong and how easily I could have done so much better if I had even thought about stopping and thinking for a moment. It's unbearable but it won't be the end of this and I know there is still more to come and I'll always grow where I can. One way of improving oneself is reflecting on who you were and finding out just what it was you wanted but didn't understand how to obtain. You have to admit when you were wrong, I was good at that-- The only thing was I was not good at getting any better. Do I miss the past? Of course, I miss it and what it all could have been but I would have never cherished it the way I do now.

I am currently in love, more so than I've ever been so I'd like to believe it's going to last and as far as I can tell, it's impeccable just how much it's influenced me. Did I need love to find the need to better myself? Maybe, but I know that If I want to give someone who I am, I want it to be the very best version of me-- and that is one who plays the infinite game, always improving on oneself and fighting through the trudge that is their past. I work so much these days but I always find the time to spend the time I do have with whom I love. Looking back, I honestly wonder if I would have been able to properly love any of those that I may have felt for. I don't think I would have because I had no idea what I meant to love back then.

We like to think that it's just this feeling you get and that if you answer it, everything is solved-- but it's so much more dangerous and chaotic in due time. It shows someone your darkest colors and your brightest feathers, but you always have to be honest and true to who you are. Can you do that? Can you tell someone the things that make you the worst person in the world, but also be brave enough to confront them and fight them back till you're someone whole and knew on your own-- only to be finally completed beside them? Always consider time, and let time be the ultimate judgment-- Don't rush otherwise the result doesn't come out the way you want. Time is your worst enemy but your best ally.

I've lost some of the greatest people I've ever met in my life due to my inability to admit when I was in the wrong and let the temperamental queen in me take over. My rage and fire was a powerful force used in all the wrong ways when I could have been so much more, using it for a purposes like I am now. At this point, I have never been more happy in my life than I am now and without her, I don't know where I would have been. Where I found the girl whose tone soothes mine and compliments this guilty heart into a maelstrom of ambition. I believe I can do so much more and to have someone there to say the same, it does something. I'll make it up to everyone whose ever met me-- I promise-- Even if, in due time; memories cascade, I'll remain a silhouette to be imprinted in the tales of your world.