The new medication has helped more than I thought it would.

That said, I still want to only rely on it for the immediate issues like the psychotic break from the medication I am on (and the doctor has also started me tapering down the dosage of the ADHD medication. I think I would like to see if I can still function on an even smaller dose, but I'll have to see if that's possible.)

Because this medication has one hell of a side-effect... the "rebound" effect.

And since it's an anti-psychotic, the rebound effect would effectively cause me to have a full on psychosis if I wasn't naturally inclined to have psychoses (and considering I had one hell of a wake-up call when I had that psychotic break, that's not a prospect that appeals to me because that shit was fucking scary as hell.)

So, the longer I take these, the higher the likelihood that I'll have to keep taking them for the rest of my life... which is why if I don't have a natural psychosis, and what I had was drug-induced (which the doctor was able to confirm considering the symptoms I described) then that means this /should/ be a temporary thing.

Because the dosage I'm on is not mild.

So there's an element of time in all this... and every day I take these is one day closer to the risks of the rebound.

However, let's not pussy-foot around this... the medication I'm on works, and it feels like I've gone back to where I was before the mental breakdown those years ago. I'm still my usual self, though my "extra" is toned down, and the aggression/hostility I feel is much more manageable (though that could be from a variety of sources ranging from the spiritual experiences I've had all the way to the coping strategies I've tried to work on.)

I dunno. This is both scary and relieving. And I guess if I have to take these pills for the rest of my life, then I have to take them for the rest of my life. Daunting, but if they do benefit me, and it seems they are for now, then I have to accept that that is a distinct possibility.