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Tragedy
5 years ago
I know i dont keep in touch with anyone much these days... and with the pandemic going on things are worse for wear on everyone. But last night.... i lost one of the most important people in my life...
The week had started bad for me, as the shipping company that provides my meds lost my package. So being the selfless person he is.... was.... my dad came to stay with me and my grandma and helped me deal with finding my package and getting my medication. He spent several nights awake with me while i was in agony waiting for these meds my body depends on to survive. He kept me entertainted, distracted, and made me feel better dispite the situation... he was always like that. Always helping me or his friends with whatever they needed. Always told me that i was strong and brave, for dealing with my condition and still able to smile. But my dad had a drinking problem... and last night.. may 22nd at 8:30pm denver time.... he passed away in my arms...
The day started normally, i just got my meds the 21st and was feeling better already. He took my grandmother to lowes to buy fence posts so he could help her fix part of the fence that is rotten. They came home happy after getting milkshakes, i made him lunch and we watched several shows together. Like we usually do. We were talking... a normal conversation, even though he had been drinking and was starting to get sleepy like he usually did after too much alcohol..... he was sitting next to me, leaning on me.
Sure some people thought we were weird, a father and daughter that cuddle like cats when ever we got the chance, but i like cuddling and he always made me feel safe. Me and my siblings cuddle, as well as me and my cousins... i even love cuddling with my friends, its just a comfort to have someone you trust be close and affectionate. Even if most people dont understand.... its an unspoken bond i have to some people.
So he was leaning on me, i was running my hand through his hair saying i needed to cut his hair again soon. But i could tell he was starting to get sleepy, so i asked him if he wanted to go to bed. And he told me "not yet, just a little bit longer." I chuckled and told him he was hopeless, but i loved him anyway. And he said, "i love you too Sabrina. You're my everything. Don't ever forget that. You mean everything to me." And i responded by kissing his forehead and telling him i loved him more and there was nothing he could do to top how much i loved him. When he didnt respond to me i thought he just fell asleep.... like he had so many times before.
So i tried to get him to move to his bed so i could go to bed too... but... something wasnt right. I couldnt get him to respond, at all.. i checked his eyes and got no response, i checked for a pulse and there was nothing. Im not going to lie, i panicked. I woke my grandma up then called 911 as i did CPR on him.
The paramedics came, they took over, and i talked to them while they worked on him. But it was too late... he was gone. They did everything they could for him, but he was just.... gone....
There was no indication of him feeling sick, no signs of the virus, in truth the only thing anyone can think of.... was the alcohol, he drank that like it was water....
I havent slept since this happened... and i keep expecting him to walk into my room and ask to watch a movie or a show... but i know its all for not.
My father passed away in my arms. And ill forever be grateful for getting to be there for him. His last words to me will be seared into my mind.
I miss him already.
I love you dad, i know you'll be watching over me as my guardian angel. Just like you were my hero throughout my life while you were here. Now i know you'll be watching out for me.... i love you.
See you, Space Cowboy.
The week had started bad for me, as the shipping company that provides my meds lost my package. So being the selfless person he is.... was.... my dad came to stay with me and my grandma and helped me deal with finding my package and getting my medication. He spent several nights awake with me while i was in agony waiting for these meds my body depends on to survive. He kept me entertainted, distracted, and made me feel better dispite the situation... he was always like that. Always helping me or his friends with whatever they needed. Always told me that i was strong and brave, for dealing with my condition and still able to smile. But my dad had a drinking problem... and last night.. may 22nd at 8:30pm denver time.... he passed away in my arms...
The day started normally, i just got my meds the 21st and was feeling better already. He took my grandmother to lowes to buy fence posts so he could help her fix part of the fence that is rotten. They came home happy after getting milkshakes, i made him lunch and we watched several shows together. Like we usually do. We were talking... a normal conversation, even though he had been drinking and was starting to get sleepy like he usually did after too much alcohol..... he was sitting next to me, leaning on me.
Sure some people thought we were weird, a father and daughter that cuddle like cats when ever we got the chance, but i like cuddling and he always made me feel safe. Me and my siblings cuddle, as well as me and my cousins... i even love cuddling with my friends, its just a comfort to have someone you trust be close and affectionate. Even if most people dont understand.... its an unspoken bond i have to some people.
So he was leaning on me, i was running my hand through his hair saying i needed to cut his hair again soon. But i could tell he was starting to get sleepy, so i asked him if he wanted to go to bed. And he told me "not yet, just a little bit longer." I chuckled and told him he was hopeless, but i loved him anyway. And he said, "i love you too Sabrina. You're my everything. Don't ever forget that. You mean everything to me." And i responded by kissing his forehead and telling him i loved him more and there was nothing he could do to top how much i loved him. When he didnt respond to me i thought he just fell asleep.... like he had so many times before.
So i tried to get him to move to his bed so i could go to bed too... but... something wasnt right. I couldnt get him to respond, at all.. i checked his eyes and got no response, i checked for a pulse and there was nothing. Im not going to lie, i panicked. I woke my grandma up then called 911 as i did CPR on him.
The paramedics came, they took over, and i talked to them while they worked on him. But it was too late... he was gone. They did everything they could for him, but he was just.... gone....
There was no indication of him feeling sick, no signs of the virus, in truth the only thing anyone can think of.... was the alcohol, he drank that like it was water....
I havent slept since this happened... and i keep expecting him to walk into my room and ask to watch a movie or a show... but i know its all for not.
My father passed away in my arms. And ill forever be grateful for getting to be there for him. His last words to me will be seared into my mind.
I miss him already.
I love you dad, i know you'll be watching over me as my guardian angel. Just like you were my hero throughout my life while you were here. Now i know you'll be watching out for me.... i love you.
See you, Space Cowboy.
:(
I'm so sorry.
I hope you get the answers you need, hon. Much love for you. I'm always on Telegram if you needa talk!
I stream FAceOff on Saturday mornings, if you want my discord!
I can't imagine what you're going through, or what that must have felt like.
The only consolation is that he passed away peacefully, and was able to express his love for you.
As painful as this all is, it's a rare blessing to actually be with a loved one when they pass, and I'm sure that your presence made his passing that much easier for him.
Hang in there and stay strong, forever holding all the good memories you have of him in your heart.
Could have been a clot, a hemorrhage, a heart attack, whatever. And yes, probably brought on by his drinking. However, he sounds as if he was a happy, kind alcoholic so don't let anyone judge. Loving people like that shouldn't be hassled over that kind of thing.
If there is anything I can do, PM me.