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Healing the Mind
5 years ago
What did the toilet say to the bathtub?
Some people are trying to move into my mind to live rent-free in my mind. Only this year have I learned this is a way to evict them. And that is through meditation.
I still tend to ruminate about relationships that didn't work out. Everyday, something about a job or a social group I left crops up, and I think, "Why didn't I just let that slide?" or "Why didn't I argue more ferociously?" or "Why didn't I walk away sooner?" I also worry about future interactions. What if somebody who doesn't like me starts spreading rumors about me? What if I want to go to a convention and the staff kick me out because I suddenly have a terrible reputation? What if the only way to make new friends is to pretend as though I agree that I'm always in the wrong during a dispute?
The fact is, other people's responses are outside of my control. Many things I did back then, I wouldn't do again because they didn't get my message across. I stay out of situations where nothing I say is going to be helpful, and keep wary of anyone who acts uppity. But I still have to remove the frustration and injustice of it all from my mind. I think I found a way to do that.
When I meditate, I don't sit up. I lie down. I always look for the smallest component of my free will, and observe its participation in the forgone-argument cycle. I permit it to unclench whatever point it's holding onto. As for further points of contact (thoughts and feelings associated with the memory), I softly maneuver around the contours like a surfboard on the waves.
That is the best way I can describe it. I've been meditating since January of 2019, and it's taken me this long just to get to this point. I would like to share this with other people. I have several friends who are just unhappy all of the time, and I can't convince them to take the proper action or seek the right kind of support. And my journey towards healing didn't start with meditation. I still had to go through several difficult times, jobs I didn't like, facing my own shortcomings, letting dead-end friendships die, and I know for sure that there are some hard times ahead. The difference is in my awareness. I'm aware of the parts of my suffering that I'm creating for myself.
I still tend to ruminate about relationships that didn't work out. Everyday, something about a job or a social group I left crops up, and I think, "Why didn't I just let that slide?" or "Why didn't I argue more ferociously?" or "Why didn't I walk away sooner?" I also worry about future interactions. What if somebody who doesn't like me starts spreading rumors about me? What if I want to go to a convention and the staff kick me out because I suddenly have a terrible reputation? What if the only way to make new friends is to pretend as though I agree that I'm always in the wrong during a dispute?
The fact is, other people's responses are outside of my control. Many things I did back then, I wouldn't do again because they didn't get my message across. I stay out of situations where nothing I say is going to be helpful, and keep wary of anyone who acts uppity. But I still have to remove the frustration and injustice of it all from my mind. I think I found a way to do that.
When I meditate, I don't sit up. I lie down. I always look for the smallest component of my free will, and observe its participation in the forgone-argument cycle. I permit it to unclench whatever point it's holding onto. As for further points of contact (thoughts and feelings associated with the memory), I softly maneuver around the contours like a surfboard on the waves.
That is the best way I can describe it. I've been meditating since January of 2019, and it's taken me this long just to get to this point. I would like to share this with other people. I have several friends who are just unhappy all of the time, and I can't convince them to take the proper action or seek the right kind of support. And my journey towards healing didn't start with meditation. I still had to go through several difficult times, jobs I didn't like, facing my own shortcomings, letting dead-end friendships die, and I know for sure that there are some hard times ahead. The difference is in my awareness. I'm aware of the parts of my suffering that I'm creating for myself.
