FA+
Shop
Further Healint, Pt. 2
5 years ago
What did the toilet say to the bathtub?
I'm currently waiting on more books from Henry Cloud and John Townsend, namely, "Changes that Heal," "Safe People," and "Beyond Boundaries." I think that I should balance off my complaints with some of the things I believe I did wrong.
Now, in all of these journal entries, I will be talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Anyone who reads this might think I am narcissistic. I have not been diagnosed with anything narcissism related, but even if I were, you'd still have to understand it as a handicap. As morally compromising as it might feel, you still have to look at somebody's actions in context when you judge them. Narcissists have no concept of other people as individuals with feelings. That's where the handicap resides. Their entire self-worth is built on protecting the greatest good - their own personhood. I've seen mental health experts say they've never seen any narcissist "cured" of their handicap. I posit that doing so would mean sacrificing their idea of the greatest good (which again is their personhood). It's the consistent guarding of their idea of themselves that leads to manipulation, lying, exploitation, and abuse.
Please understand also that I'm not saying that having a handicap is an excuse. What I am saying is that the usual response to it is the wrong way to interact with them. Mentally ill people can act out of malice. There are plenty of things I've done more so to get even with somebody than to resolve a conflict. I once felt rejected by somebody when he responded to a joke I made as if I were serious. Later, when this same guy said his parents wouldn't let him buy a fursuit, I deliberately rubbed in his face that my own Dad offered to buy me a fursuit, but I turned him down. Now, one of the actually friendly furs in the group responded, "What the Hell? Can I have your Dad?" I felt much better after that. I even told my parents about it (foregoing the intential flaunting behind my own remark), and they were impressed.
I also set up a telegram channel just to invite some other furries I didn't like and then ban them out of smite. That didn't make me feel any better. Going on long tyrades in chat groups didn't make me feel any better. Sending closure letters did make a difference, but like I said, the conflicts still arise from time to time. I started out every one with a disclaimer, "All I want is closure. You can delete this e-mail without reading it, as it has nothing of consequence in it, but should you decide to read it, bear in mind that I at least warned you."
I send it to be able to say I did the brave thing. Another Cracked writer said that people who never confront the people they hate are cowards. There are other people who probably think that anyone with the need to write such confrontations are assholes. To them, I can only say, "guess I'd rather be an asshole than a coward." There is a part of me that does wish ill on the people who have hurt me, even though no doubt there are people I've hurt (with or without realizing it) who probably wouldn't mind if I suffered. That is the part that needs to heal, the need to resolve my bitterness by learning of other peoples' suffering.
I'd like to think I've made some improvement by journaling these feelings (even though I post them publicly) rather than screaming about it in a discord server. That was the wrong way to go about it. That led to some conflict that, at the moment, I am much too tired to go into now. And I have other things I need to attend to; namely, cleaning my apartment.
Now, in all of these journal entries, I will be talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Anyone who reads this might think I am narcissistic. I have not been diagnosed with anything narcissism related, but even if I were, you'd still have to understand it as a handicap. As morally compromising as it might feel, you still have to look at somebody's actions in context when you judge them. Narcissists have no concept of other people as individuals with feelings. That's where the handicap resides. Their entire self-worth is built on protecting the greatest good - their own personhood. I've seen mental health experts say they've never seen any narcissist "cured" of their handicap. I posit that doing so would mean sacrificing their idea of the greatest good (which again is their personhood). It's the consistent guarding of their idea of themselves that leads to manipulation, lying, exploitation, and abuse.
Please understand also that I'm not saying that having a handicap is an excuse. What I am saying is that the usual response to it is the wrong way to interact with them. Mentally ill people can act out of malice. There are plenty of things I've done more so to get even with somebody than to resolve a conflict. I once felt rejected by somebody when he responded to a joke I made as if I were serious. Later, when this same guy said his parents wouldn't let him buy a fursuit, I deliberately rubbed in his face that my own Dad offered to buy me a fursuit, but I turned him down. Now, one of the actually friendly furs in the group responded, "What the Hell? Can I have your Dad?" I felt much better after that. I even told my parents about it (foregoing the intential flaunting behind my own remark), and they were impressed.
I also set up a telegram channel just to invite some other furries I didn't like and then ban them out of smite. That didn't make me feel any better. Going on long tyrades in chat groups didn't make me feel any better. Sending closure letters did make a difference, but like I said, the conflicts still arise from time to time. I started out every one with a disclaimer, "All I want is closure. You can delete this e-mail without reading it, as it has nothing of consequence in it, but should you decide to read it, bear in mind that I at least warned you."
I send it to be able to say I did the brave thing. Another Cracked writer said that people who never confront the people they hate are cowards. There are other people who probably think that anyone with the need to write such confrontations are assholes. To them, I can only say, "guess I'd rather be an asshole than a coward." There is a part of me that does wish ill on the people who have hurt me, even though no doubt there are people I've hurt (with or without realizing it) who probably wouldn't mind if I suffered. That is the part that needs to heal, the need to resolve my bitterness by learning of other peoples' suffering.
I'd like to think I've made some improvement by journaling these feelings (even though I post them publicly) rather than screaming about it in a discord server. That was the wrong way to go about it. That led to some conflict that, at the moment, I am much too tired to go into now. And I have other things I need to attend to; namely, cleaning my apartment.
