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Here we go...
2 years ago
Uuuh... It's so hard to write that much with my little dyslexia... just couldn't wait until morning, must start this on now, couldn't you Simon!?
I suck so much ass at writing, auto corrections make it so much easier! At grammar (and Russian ones as well) quizzes I'm too often asking "Why do you give me 4 totally identical options in how to write this!?". But I've been fighting dyslexia since my childhood, and this "diary" should be a good practice in writing generally and in English as well.
Well.. heh... fighting... I only recently (like couple of years or so) got to know that it's even a thing! (Thanks, Doctor Who) All my early years I thought I was just stupid, retarded or something, noone ever told me, that it's fine, that it's just a little illness that is not effecting any other aspect of my thinking.
Sooo... AB, yes I am, I have to accept it, but can't, but must, it freaking driveing me crazy!
Just like Star was told "Comon, you are not a little baby! Are you!?", I was always told "Stop acting like a baby girl are you a MAN or a little girl!?" And also had thought of... why do parents make it sound like it's a bad thing, when girls are... nice and they are cared about and you can't hit girls (yeah, it Russian schools fights between boys are fine at most places). And I was beaten a lot of times! If I would be a girl, that wouldn't have happened, right!? So why is been a little girl a bad thing!?
Ooof... so today I was blushed like never... I bought myself some pink hair scrunchie for girls and some bow-hairpin. Once my roommate in out of university's dormitory (do I get it right? You know, student's hostal) after exams, I'll use it.
And... and I feel like some crazy person! Totally broken fucked up in a head freak! But I want it, need it! I wanna see how ridiculous am I gonna look like this, it gives me butterflies in the stomach.
And fuck I will... I'm very fucking manly man, 100kg, pretty strong, been to a lot of sports and this face.... ahhhhhh... noone is gonna want me like this... I'm just not cute to be a baby, and I definitely don't want other relationships. Yeah. I'm still virgin. I (again, like Star) just don't want sex, no, no fucking! I just can't enter normal classic "man - woman" relationships, there's nothing in em for me, and I'm expected to put my... ehh... in her... buuuah! No! 18+, I'm too young you know!
Oki, hope I'll feel some relief after someone reads it. IFF anyone will, tho. Aaaam, so feel free to comment or ask any-any-any thing really, or just put a plus in comments so that I know someone read it all.
I suck so much ass at writing, auto corrections make it so much easier! At grammar (and Russian ones as well) quizzes I'm too often asking "Why do you give me 4 totally identical options in how to write this!?". But I've been fighting dyslexia since my childhood, and this "diary" should be a good practice in writing generally and in English as well.
Well.. heh... fighting... I only recently (like couple of years or so) got to know that it's even a thing! (Thanks, Doctor Who) All my early years I thought I was just stupid, retarded or something, noone ever told me, that it's fine, that it's just a little illness that is not effecting any other aspect of my thinking.
Sooo... AB, yes I am, I have to accept it, but can't, but must, it freaking driveing me crazy!
Just like Star was told "Comon, you are not a little baby! Are you!?", I was always told "Stop acting like a baby girl are you a MAN or a little girl!?" And also had thought of... why do parents make it sound like it's a bad thing, when girls are... nice and they are cared about and you can't hit girls (yeah, it Russian schools fights between boys are fine at most places). And I was beaten a lot of times! If I would be a girl, that wouldn't have happened, right!? So why is been a little girl a bad thing!?
Ooof... so today I was blushed like never... I bought myself some pink hair scrunchie for girls and some bow-hairpin. Once my roommate in out of university's dormitory (do I get it right? You know, student's hostal) after exams, I'll use it.
And... and I feel like some crazy person! Totally broken fucked up in a head freak! But I want it, need it! I wanna see how ridiculous am I gonna look like this, it gives me butterflies in the stomach.
And fuck I will... I'm very fucking manly man, 100kg, pretty strong, been to a lot of sports and this face.... ahhhhhh... noone is gonna want me like this... I'm just not cute to be a baby, and I definitely don't want other relationships. Yeah. I'm still virgin. I (again, like Star) just don't want sex, no, no fucking! I just can't enter normal classic "man - woman" relationships, there's nothing in em for me, and I'm expected to put my... ehh... in her... buuuah! No! 18+, I'm too young you know!
Oki, hope I'll feel some relief after someone reads it. IFF anyone will, tho. Aaaam, so feel free to comment or ask any-any-any thing really, or just put a plus in comments so that I know someone read it all.
