Haven't done this for a while now! I prefer to spend any free time I have to draw now, rather than complain. But it's aaaall so bad, it's 3 a.m. and I can't sleep and will have to go to work at 7 a.m. it's not like I don't want to sleep. I'd be glad to just fall into long hibernation! But I need time to live life you know, to think about anything but work and study, I just started new project, I'm such a masochist artist, I take different poses, angels, and now I'll make a background! It's always sooo hard, but you know, I'm improving fast by doing this, if I would draw only headshots like with Hoodwink, I'd only be able to do heads and it's pretty boring, no one wants just head in one exact angle. No... people are more into full body, situations, expressions, dynamics! So I think I'll get better by hurting myself every time I draw because "AaaaHhjh!!! I don't know how to!!!". But to do that today I just have to give up my sleep. I think this is probably the biggest problem for our society today... we've been decided for on how do we spend all of our lives. And the only time you have left in your possession is nights, and you are supposed to sleep during that time but... you don't... because... when else would I watch the show I liked!? When else would I fill my dairy!? When else would I live!? And ofc lack of sleeping is damaging health, but what else can I do!? I'm back to being productive for 2 weeks now and I'm losing it. I'm so tired of all this... I just someone strong and loving to take care of me... but where do people fine the true love? Where do people find the daddy who would take good care of you? I don't know, they just meet by accident, but when will I meet anybody, if I'm working full time, then doing tasks from college, then I draw for a little while and do to sleep. Oh and I'm studying on Saturdays. So one day in a week to hang with my love? Nice... most likely I won't even hang. We'll just talk online, because I don't see myself with and Russian guy. I don't want to be Russian guy, I hate government, I hate how people treat each other, I hate how homophobic everyone are, I hate so so much things in Russia. I don't want to be here, but who needs me to the point of getting through uncountable amount of problems to get me out of here? Right, no one. No one knows me, no one cares. So while everyone around is working to survive, I have to not just survive, I have to work triple hard to be able to get away to some normal countries. Canada, US, UK... Europe is fine too, but I just so happened to know English and not German or French, that's why I think of US and UK most. I donno I still kinda hope for some miracle to happen to me. Maybe someone will read that journal and decide to try reaching out, and we get to talk and flirt and stuff and suddenly this person would invite me to their home to try out living together for some time, and we get to know each other very well and then we married and happy, and I'm being the best housewife ever who is doing artwork and preform voice acting so could eventually help financially as well and they lived happily ever after... Pffft... naive... how many factors must come together!? I'm eay too odd, like... I'm kinda unsexual, but at the same time I have huge libido and want to do kinky stuff at any time, just no actual penetrations no sex. Don't forget about ABDL thing. How many daddys and momys do you know? Most people are littles, it's pretty much a meme, like on fist pages of Shine. "Will you be my momy!?" when star goes on internet. That's kinda cringe, but I can relate to this so much, this littles are just so desperate to be loved, but no one does... And no one loves me, and probably never will, well at least unconditionally, even my parents never loved me unconditionally, only if I've done something. So... mb if I'd be a good artist.... someone would notice me? Well, the last hope... I'll get me 3 hrs sleep and it's time to go to work! Have a nice one, people ;)