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2 years ago
Well, I just say... I expect to grow faster in drawing, but after Hoodwink... everything I make seems at same level or worse. So it kinda kills motivation, without of special education in art people spend years to improve their skill to watchable level!
Like, ok, Hoodwink is watchable, but it's like something that a school student made, not 23 y.o. guy...
Understanding that I'm bound to make stuff like Hoodwink for at least half a year before I could stop drawing existing characters and make my own. I kinda run my cat as a project, I'm serious about visualizing my fursona.
I've been thinking into color pallet this weekends...
So the dominant should be gray, as I'm pretty much about balancing. I believe that balance is the key to everything in life! I'm not easily jumping to conclusions after I've got a tiny bit of info about something. So that's my personality, that is the main color.
The secondary colors should be green and purple. I love green, really! It's about tranquility and nature. Purple has a lot of meanings, but I just feel for this color.
Also I'd like to add some pink... a girly color, that would be hidden most of the times by clothing. I love black, I'm wearing a lot of black irl.
Like... I hide my pink under it, you know... I'm feeling safe like that, the color of luxury, richness, power, control! Outside I'm all about that, that's what I use, black.
So I'd like my sona to reflect it... but... uuuh.... it looks awful!!!
Even tho green and purple are theoretically complimentary colors, they look pretty bad on character... like too toxic! And you never meet green, purple and gray together in nature, so it looks awful.
I don't know now... mb will play with color's shade, make it less toxic...
Why weekends ended so fast... I just can't sleep because I know, that as I'll fall asleep, I'll skip right to the part when I have to get up and go to work for 8 hours. Fuck! Doing anything in the world for 8 hours every day will make you hate that thing! Mb after couple of months, but it will!
But every minute I spend sleepless make tomorrow worse and worse!
And semesters is starting now! I'm definitely gonna fuck up in university this semester, I just can't keep going like this, I can't keep up with my work alone, I fucked up a lot this December and January at work.
And now studying and full time job at the same time again!? FUUUCK!!! Sleepless evenings and nights keeping up on lectures and class tasks. Just the very thought makes me nervously shake... and yeh, I noticed my lines are very... wavy... I think I got a hard tremor... but hay! My heartburn ended, at least I can sleep if I want! Good sign, I guess.
I always feel trapped in this situation... in this country as well. I know there's a place out of this cage with no more tears and no more rage, but this chains just pull me down... there's no hope for us around... no hope of getting better, no hope of getting away from this war. But... even if I run away... where do I go? Where am I gonna be loved and needed? Nowhere... Not in this world, not in this life...
And yes, I know I need help, but there is noone to help me. I am alone in this world. I'm telling my problems to V, but there's not much he can do, he is also under a big stress with his university. It's not like I have some magical saver who can just take me to their house so I wouldn't have to work to buy food and pay rent anymore. Even more that that, I'm a man, I'm expected to carry some girl and kids.
Another reason to be girl here... if I'd be a girl, I'd at least had a chance of finding some nice guy who would care about me! But I'm not, I'm not a baby girl, noone cares about me. I'm so manly man to the bone I can't even cry every tho I really want to right now. I want to cry screaming that I want to be padded baby girl... but no. Totaly depressed, stressed and week friend, alcoholic father and freaky psychopath mother that's all I have. Noone of them can solve my problems, noone can care about me properly. Not even Rene can do anything. Only I can care about me... there's no hope for us around, Rene, sorry you have to witness it all.
Have to put on my black again, put on my self confident face and make that REST API work tomorrow.
https://youtu.be/aAqhf_zRLx0
Like, ok, Hoodwink is watchable, but it's like something that a school student made, not 23 y.o. guy...
Understanding that I'm bound to make stuff like Hoodwink for at least half a year before I could stop drawing existing characters and make my own. I kinda run my cat as a project, I'm serious about visualizing my fursona.
I've been thinking into color pallet this weekends...
So the dominant should be gray, as I'm pretty much about balancing. I believe that balance is the key to everything in life! I'm not easily jumping to conclusions after I've got a tiny bit of info about something. So that's my personality, that is the main color.
The secondary colors should be green and purple. I love green, really! It's about tranquility and nature. Purple has a lot of meanings, but I just feel for this color.
Also I'd like to add some pink... a girly color, that would be hidden most of the times by clothing. I love black, I'm wearing a lot of black irl.
Like... I hide my pink under it, you know... I'm feeling safe like that, the color of luxury, richness, power, control! Outside I'm all about that, that's what I use, black.
So I'd like my sona to reflect it... but... uuuh.... it looks awful!!!
Even tho green and purple are theoretically complimentary colors, they look pretty bad on character... like too toxic! And you never meet green, purple and gray together in nature, so it looks awful.
I don't know now... mb will play with color's shade, make it less toxic...
Why weekends ended so fast... I just can't sleep because I know, that as I'll fall asleep, I'll skip right to the part when I have to get up and go to work for 8 hours. Fuck! Doing anything in the world for 8 hours every day will make you hate that thing! Mb after couple of months, but it will!
But every minute I spend sleepless make tomorrow worse and worse!
And semesters is starting now! I'm definitely gonna fuck up in university this semester, I just can't keep going like this, I can't keep up with my work alone, I fucked up a lot this December and January at work.
And now studying and full time job at the same time again!? FUUUCK!!! Sleepless evenings and nights keeping up on lectures and class tasks. Just the very thought makes me nervously shake... and yeh, I noticed my lines are very... wavy... I think I got a hard tremor... but hay! My heartburn ended, at least I can sleep if I want! Good sign, I guess.
I always feel trapped in this situation... in this country as well. I know there's a place out of this cage with no more tears and no more rage, but this chains just pull me down... there's no hope for us around... no hope of getting better, no hope of getting away from this war. But... even if I run away... where do I go? Where am I gonna be loved and needed? Nowhere... Not in this world, not in this life...
And yes, I know I need help, but there is noone to help me. I am alone in this world. I'm telling my problems to V, but there's not much he can do, he is also under a big stress with his university. It's not like I have some magical saver who can just take me to their house so I wouldn't have to work to buy food and pay rent anymore. Even more that that, I'm a man, I'm expected to carry some girl and kids.
Another reason to be girl here... if I'd be a girl, I'd at least had a chance of finding some nice guy who would care about me! But I'm not, I'm not a baby girl, noone cares about me. I'm so manly man to the bone I can't even cry every tho I really want to right now. I want to cry screaming that I want to be padded baby girl... but no. Totaly depressed, stressed and week friend, alcoholic father and freaky psychopath mother that's all I have. Noone of them can solve my problems, noone can care about me properly. Not even Rene can do anything. Only I can care about me... there's no hope for us around, Rene, sorry you have to witness it all.
Have to put on my black again, put on my self confident face and make that REST API work tomorrow.
https://youtu.be/aAqhf_zRLx0
