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State of the Gryphon October 2023
2 years ago
Let's keep this Bi-yearly-ish cadence going! Life goes on and, well, I've certainly had a few exciting developments over the last couple of months. Writing these kind of public diaries is actually pretty chill, just kind of shooting a bunch of thoughts into the void and letting anyone curious get a glimpse. Next step I'm gonna start beaming these into space, Arecibo message style.
https://youtu.be/KFCuqc43_BE
So here it is, all of me
There's plenty words in there but still a missing piece
It has it all, hopefully
And if you like it, you can keep the book of me
Last time I did a quick table of contents, and that was actually pretty nice for organization, so let's do it again!
- Student Life
- Big events, prior and upcoming
- Mental Health
So, the big one: I'm a student pilot now. And in a few months, I'll be a private pilot. Couple of years? Commercial.
Sometimes, dreams do come true. This has been a passion project in the works for quite a while now, and now that I've started to reap what I've sown? It's an amazing feeling. The last 2 months were spent studying up hard on PPL theory, and getting a half dozen flight hours. Couple a days ago, my exams, 9 topics, and all 9 passed first try. Got a couple of them flawless, even. All I've left to do now, is just... Fly, a lot. And get my radio cert. ATPL theory starts in the new year, so until then, it's just a hell of a lot of flying, assuming the Danish winter weather allows. No anti-ice on the TB-9 we fly, so hopefully it'll be a warm-ish winter.
It feels like I've finally fallen into place with the job that's made for me. The theory sticks to me like glue, I've always been a quick learner and this is no different, and it's topics I'm truly passionate about. None of that college stuff where half your week is full of lectures you can't stand. Every single day is something exciting, and essential, to safe flying. Homework is relatively light, since I'm so quick to pick up the theory, so my free time is probably even better now than it was when I was working the laundry route. It's overall just been very nice.
The only tight spot is the economics. Not that I'm suffering, I've got a good bank loan, and a promise that they'll support me the whole way. Still live on my own, in my own house, and it's just... Nice. But yeah, not a lot of money for luxuries, haven't gotten any art in quite a while, and it'll continue to be a rarity for a long time. My biggest recent expense was the LEGO Concorde. I'm a pilot, I had to.
So, aside from my exams, what's been happening? Well, my cousin got married. Yesterday! Day after my exams, been a busy weekend. The wedding was nice, and the reception after was a lot of fun. Heard some beautiful speeches, ate some good food. Never been big on parties, but it was chill enough, and it's nice to catch up with the extended family now and again.
On the side of smaller events, I've been bouncing a bit from community to community, as I do. My social anxiety is still... Very high, and I have a hard time keeping up with a lot of different circles. If I'm not actively invited, I have a hard time making myself known and present. Still, my social life has started feeling... Stable, again. There's drama here and there, nobody's perfect, but I feel like I have a group of people I can actually count on again. And of course, anyone who knows me is always welcome to come say hi, play some games, have a chat, the works. I'm just absolutely horrible at keeping up with that. I start maybe a single DM conversation a week.
My mental health is good, even if there's still a few significant road-bumps on the way to feeling perfectly fine. I have the occasional evening of indulging in some sad music and retrospection, thinking about 'could've been's and 'might've happened's. There are also several people from my past who are still holding a grudge, occasionally contacting people I know to warn them about me. It's been almost 2 years since I've spoken to any of these people, yet they've been completely unable to move on, championing some kind of "Whisper Network" to keep the word going about my 'abusive nature'. It wasn't true 2 years ago and it's certainly not true now, but the amount of people who believe it seem to never decrease. And the worst part is, I've got no idea when it increases.
It does a great job of enhancing my already existing social anxiety. Not only do I have to worry about if people enjoy my company or not, I have to worry about whether they've heard from the "Whisper network" that I'm a predatory abusive asshole. Some days it's absolutely crippling, and others, just... Mostly crippling! zvz I dunno, I've gotten back on F-List occasionally, but all I really do is idle in some of the public rooms and wait for people to approach me. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is present and accounted for, and well, yeah. Making new friends, hell, even talking to old friends, it's never easy for me. It's work, often work that's worth it, but not work I always have the energy for. And it feels horrible. I wish I could do more for people, especially those that really do care about me.
The good thing is that, at least as far as the pilot stuff goes, things aren't going down in flames on the social side. My classmates are all 5+ years younger than me, so there are certainly differing interests, but in the classroom we all get along swell. Which is good, because aviation is sort of a field where running lone wolf is frowned upon. But never had a problem working with people in that sort of capacity. It's only really a problem on the private side.
On the topic of private side, still single. Comin' up on 2 years now, and it's... Well, it is what it is. I'm not miserable, but I've never been happy with being single, even if I can be happy while single. Crippling social anxiety doesn't exactly make the idea of dating easy, even if I actually really like dating. RSD is also a bitch here, naturally. And I'm not in a rush, but at the same time, I feel like I'm at the point where I should be looking more actively, making some moves. Working for it. I'd be lying if I said there aren't people in my life who I've been tempted to ask out, but simply am too nervous to. In time I'll probably build more confidence, and well, if the past is anything to go by, perhaps some day I'll be approached first by some lovely lady or gentleman.
One can dream! My life is probably gonna be pretty turbulent for a while. Time off is a precious commodity at the flight academy, and often comes in single days, not long stretches. Vacations are not just something I don't have much time for, but also don't have the economy to support. Of course, I've spent much of my love life in long distance relationships, and honestly... They're comfy. I may prefer closeness, and I'd never go into something with no endpoint sometime in the future as live-in, but at the same time, for the right person? Half a decade long distance? Sure, why not. There's a lot more to love than the physical. And well, I neither have the personality type or the confidence to go clubbing in town, snrk.
Dating within the furry community isn't easy either though. You'd think being Pan would make things easy, but preferring closed monogamous-ish stuff seems to be a killer these days. To each their own of course, I respect people who can do the more free love poly stuff, just ain't for me. I'm a clingy boi, and I honestly, I want someone who's a little clingy right back. It's nice to feel wanted. Hopefully sometime in the future, I can send out invites to my own wedding. (Or you know, probably civil union or w/e you wanna call it. Jesus and Co. can stay outta my biz.)
Alright, coming up to the end of this big ol' lore dump. I'm a pilot now, still a nervous wreck, still a single pringle ready to mingle. As always, if you've come this far in my little diary entry I salute thee, thanks for keeping me company. My Discord and Tele are public and always open, if you wanna have a chat with little ol' socially awkward me. Always a pleasure to meet new faces, or catch up with old ones!
https://youtu.be/KFCuqc43_BE
So here it is, all of me
There's plenty words in there but still a missing piece
It has it all, hopefully
And if you like it, you can keep the book of me
Last time I did a quick table of contents, and that was actually pretty nice for organization, so let's do it again!
- Student Life
- Big events, prior and upcoming
- Mental Health
So, the big one: I'm a student pilot now. And in a few months, I'll be a private pilot. Couple of years? Commercial.
Sometimes, dreams do come true. This has been a passion project in the works for quite a while now, and now that I've started to reap what I've sown? It's an amazing feeling. The last 2 months were spent studying up hard on PPL theory, and getting a half dozen flight hours. Couple a days ago, my exams, 9 topics, and all 9 passed first try. Got a couple of them flawless, even. All I've left to do now, is just... Fly, a lot. And get my radio cert. ATPL theory starts in the new year, so until then, it's just a hell of a lot of flying, assuming the Danish winter weather allows. No anti-ice on the TB-9 we fly, so hopefully it'll be a warm-ish winter.
It feels like I've finally fallen into place with the job that's made for me. The theory sticks to me like glue, I've always been a quick learner and this is no different, and it's topics I'm truly passionate about. None of that college stuff where half your week is full of lectures you can't stand. Every single day is something exciting, and essential, to safe flying. Homework is relatively light, since I'm so quick to pick up the theory, so my free time is probably even better now than it was when I was working the laundry route. It's overall just been very nice.
The only tight spot is the economics. Not that I'm suffering, I've got a good bank loan, and a promise that they'll support me the whole way. Still live on my own, in my own house, and it's just... Nice. But yeah, not a lot of money for luxuries, haven't gotten any art in quite a while, and it'll continue to be a rarity for a long time. My biggest recent expense was the LEGO Concorde. I'm a pilot, I had to.
So, aside from my exams, what's been happening? Well, my cousin got married. Yesterday! Day after my exams, been a busy weekend. The wedding was nice, and the reception after was a lot of fun. Heard some beautiful speeches, ate some good food. Never been big on parties, but it was chill enough, and it's nice to catch up with the extended family now and again.
On the side of smaller events, I've been bouncing a bit from community to community, as I do. My social anxiety is still... Very high, and I have a hard time keeping up with a lot of different circles. If I'm not actively invited, I have a hard time making myself known and present. Still, my social life has started feeling... Stable, again. There's drama here and there, nobody's perfect, but I feel like I have a group of people I can actually count on again. And of course, anyone who knows me is always welcome to come say hi, play some games, have a chat, the works. I'm just absolutely horrible at keeping up with that. I start maybe a single DM conversation a week.
My mental health is good, even if there's still a few significant road-bumps on the way to feeling perfectly fine. I have the occasional evening of indulging in some sad music and retrospection, thinking about 'could've been's and 'might've happened's. There are also several people from my past who are still holding a grudge, occasionally contacting people I know to warn them about me. It's been almost 2 years since I've spoken to any of these people, yet they've been completely unable to move on, championing some kind of "Whisper Network" to keep the word going about my 'abusive nature'. It wasn't true 2 years ago and it's certainly not true now, but the amount of people who believe it seem to never decrease. And the worst part is, I've got no idea when it increases.
It does a great job of enhancing my already existing social anxiety. Not only do I have to worry about if people enjoy my company or not, I have to worry about whether they've heard from the "Whisper network" that I'm a predatory abusive asshole. Some days it's absolutely crippling, and others, just... Mostly crippling! zvz I dunno, I've gotten back on F-List occasionally, but all I really do is idle in some of the public rooms and wait for people to approach me. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is present and accounted for, and well, yeah. Making new friends, hell, even talking to old friends, it's never easy for me. It's work, often work that's worth it, but not work I always have the energy for. And it feels horrible. I wish I could do more for people, especially those that really do care about me.
The good thing is that, at least as far as the pilot stuff goes, things aren't going down in flames on the social side. My classmates are all 5+ years younger than me, so there are certainly differing interests, but in the classroom we all get along swell. Which is good, because aviation is sort of a field where running lone wolf is frowned upon. But never had a problem working with people in that sort of capacity. It's only really a problem on the private side.
On the topic of private side, still single. Comin' up on 2 years now, and it's... Well, it is what it is. I'm not miserable, but I've never been happy with being single, even if I can be happy while single. Crippling social anxiety doesn't exactly make the idea of dating easy, even if I actually really like dating. RSD is also a bitch here, naturally. And I'm not in a rush, but at the same time, I feel like I'm at the point where I should be looking more actively, making some moves. Working for it. I'd be lying if I said there aren't people in my life who I've been tempted to ask out, but simply am too nervous to. In time I'll probably build more confidence, and well, if the past is anything to go by, perhaps some day I'll be approached first by some lovely lady or gentleman.
One can dream! My life is probably gonna be pretty turbulent for a while. Time off is a precious commodity at the flight academy, and often comes in single days, not long stretches. Vacations are not just something I don't have much time for, but also don't have the economy to support. Of course, I've spent much of my love life in long distance relationships, and honestly... They're comfy. I may prefer closeness, and I'd never go into something with no endpoint sometime in the future as live-in, but at the same time, for the right person? Half a decade long distance? Sure, why not. There's a lot more to love than the physical. And well, I neither have the personality type or the confidence to go clubbing in town, snrk.
Dating within the furry community isn't easy either though. You'd think being Pan would make things easy, but preferring closed monogamous-ish stuff seems to be a killer these days. To each their own of course, I respect people who can do the more free love poly stuff, just ain't for me. I'm a clingy boi, and I honestly, I want someone who's a little clingy right back. It's nice to feel wanted. Hopefully sometime in the future, I can send out invites to my own wedding. (Or you know, probably civil union or w/e you wanna call it. Jesus and Co. can stay outta my biz.)
Alright, coming up to the end of this big ol' lore dump. I'm a pilot now, still a nervous wreck, still a single pringle ready to mingle. As always, if you've come this far in my little diary entry I salute thee, thanks for keeping me company. My Discord and Tele are public and always open, if you wanna have a chat with little ol' socially awkward me. Always a pleasure to meet new faces, or catch up with old ones!
Also, so awesome that you're becoming a pilot. I'd have loved to do that if I wasn't already following other dreams!