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Are you serious?
14 years ago
I need a new psychiatrist.
(feel free to ignore this by the way, I'm just gonna rant a little bit)
So I'm in between two boring as hell classes right now with about 2 hours of break time in between. Since my apartment is less than a mile from my school, I just walked back here to enjoy some lunch then will head back to my next class in about an hour. I live on the fifth floor of my apartment building, so I had to get on the elevator. A friendly maintenance worker, as well as one of the other staff members who brings packages to the tenants doors, also got on and immediately struck up conversation. I hate elevators for this reason. I don't like to talk to people... not due to a lack of desire, but due to a lack of courage. I am a socially anxious person- I already knew this, I have a very logical reason for it, it is what it is. However, I am currently taking drugs for depression and anxiety, and had hoped that they'd help to curb this some so I can be a normal functioning member of society.
But nope. I got off the elevator, into my apartment, sat down and sobbed for no reason, completely convinced I'd fucked up the conversation. Why? I really have no idea. I can't remember a single thing I did that was terribly wrong or weird... except I did stare at the floor I guess. I don't like to make eye contact. But anyway, point is, I went online to see what I can do about this. I always do whenever my anxiety gets unmanageable- what can I do myself to try and curb it a little bit, since social anxiety is completely irrational and doesn't respond to simple "positive thinking".
So I'm reading a rather extensive series of articles on social anxiety and is describes my life to a fucking T (no surprise there), and then at the bottom, it describes a series of recommended remedies. Medication is recommended, okay good. Anything anti-anxiety or anti-depression will work, it said, except one. There's one particular class of medication that, and I quote: "have been shown to be useless".
Guess which one.
Go on, guess...
No, I'll wait. Think about it nice and hard...
Yup. Fuck my life.
I've been asking my psychiatrist to change meds for me for almost a year now. Celexa is not doing much for me. It helps my depression, which is good, since of all of my problems that was the most crippling. But that is all it really does. Does not help my concentration/focus issues, does not help the panic or the anxiety (which it is supposed to), even my therapist looked me in the face after a session or two and was like "Those pills should be helping... but they're not." Go. fig. Still, Mr.Know-it-all thinks that I'll be fine and everything's good and that changing to anything else will be catastrophic or dangerous or... something. He keeps bringing up the possibility of addiction.
All of my rage.
I'm not addicted, I'm crazy. This stuff is not stopping the crazy. Give me something that will stop the crazy long enough that I can get on with my life. I'm not asking for a cure here, but I am also given a small dose of Xanax for emergency panic attacks, which I do get from time to time (hurrdurr often times after socializing). And Xanax... Xanax goes right to the gigantic crazy filled hole in my brain, digs it up, and then fills it with normalcy. I can relax, I can socialize somewhat, I sleep better, I have fewer problems with my tummy and my IBS. Everything is just... right with Xanax. Celexa? Might as well have stuck a parrot on my shoulder. Hardly does anything other than making me drowsy.
*sigh* Of course, fixing this requires talking to someone, calling around, etc etc. Says the person with social anxiety. You can see how this becomes a for loop to misery.
If only my parents cared...
saufishfuihsduifhdus I should be eating lunch
(feel free to ignore this by the way, I'm just gonna rant a little bit)
So I'm in between two boring as hell classes right now with about 2 hours of break time in between. Since my apartment is less than a mile from my school, I just walked back here to enjoy some lunch then will head back to my next class in about an hour. I live on the fifth floor of my apartment building, so I had to get on the elevator. A friendly maintenance worker, as well as one of the other staff members who brings packages to the tenants doors, also got on and immediately struck up conversation. I hate elevators for this reason. I don't like to talk to people... not due to a lack of desire, but due to a lack of courage. I am a socially anxious person- I already knew this, I have a very logical reason for it, it is what it is. However, I am currently taking drugs for depression and anxiety, and had hoped that they'd help to curb this some so I can be a normal functioning member of society.
But nope. I got off the elevator, into my apartment, sat down and sobbed for no reason, completely convinced I'd fucked up the conversation. Why? I really have no idea. I can't remember a single thing I did that was terribly wrong or weird... except I did stare at the floor I guess. I don't like to make eye contact. But anyway, point is, I went online to see what I can do about this. I always do whenever my anxiety gets unmanageable- what can I do myself to try and curb it a little bit, since social anxiety is completely irrational and doesn't respond to simple "positive thinking".
So I'm reading a rather extensive series of articles on social anxiety and is describes my life to a fucking T (no surprise there), and then at the bottom, it describes a series of recommended remedies. Medication is recommended, okay good. Anything anti-anxiety or anti-depression will work, it said, except one. There's one particular class of medication that, and I quote: "have been shown to be useless".
Guess which one.
Go on, guess...
No, I'll wait. Think about it nice and hard...
Yup. Fuck my life.
I've been asking my psychiatrist to change meds for me for almost a year now. Celexa is not doing much for me. It helps my depression, which is good, since of all of my problems that was the most crippling. But that is all it really does. Does not help my concentration/focus issues, does not help the panic or the anxiety (which it is supposed to), even my therapist looked me in the face after a session or two and was like "Those pills should be helping... but they're not." Go. fig. Still, Mr.Know-it-all thinks that I'll be fine and everything's good and that changing to anything else will be catastrophic or dangerous or... something. He keeps bringing up the possibility of addiction.
All of my rage.
I'm not addicted, I'm crazy. This stuff is not stopping the crazy. Give me something that will stop the crazy long enough that I can get on with my life. I'm not asking for a cure here, but I am also given a small dose of Xanax for emergency panic attacks, which I do get from time to time (hurrdurr often times after socializing). And Xanax... Xanax goes right to the gigantic crazy filled hole in my brain, digs it up, and then fills it with normalcy. I can relax, I can socialize somewhat, I sleep better, I have fewer problems with my tummy and my IBS. Everything is just... right with Xanax. Celexa? Might as well have stuck a parrot on my shoulder. Hardly does anything other than making me drowsy.
*sigh* Of course, fixing this requires talking to someone, calling around, etc etc. Says the person with social anxiety. You can see how this becomes a for loop to misery.
If only my parents cared...
saufishfuihsduifhdus I should be eating lunch
... Sorry if this isn't really helpful. :\
hope you can find a better one soon!
That Psychiatrist should have your needs at heart. Honestly. >__>
Those meds do nothing but mess you up when they don't work like they should. Get a new doctor. I hope you can find one with minimal difficulty and stress. <3
I'm really sorry to hear that you have problems socialising, I have a social disorder that didn't get diagnosed until a few months before my 15th birthday. (I'm 16 now) If you'd like I can note you sometime (Or IM, whatever you'd prefer) a comparison of how I was before getting diagnosed and how I am now. Idk, my school have asked me to talk to the kids in younger years who get diagnosed (Well, only 2 did but yeah) cause apparently it gives them hope. It might help you somehow but it really sucks that you're in college and not getting the proper help, hence why I think you should drop this guy.
Maybe see a psychologist too? That's where I got all my help that actually HELPED. The doctor's do fuck all here but make money. Though yeah my psychologist was always there to back anything up with school or the doctor. Second opinion and all that, yanno?
I'll just have to find time to search for a new one. Philly is a super crowded city with a lot of "supposed" doctors, some of whom can be quite shady. Leafing through them is a terrible task.
But you bring up a good point. My school does have a counseling department. They almost exclusively deal with gay and transgender issues because this city (and school) are full of people with them. x3 But, maybe they have a list of credible doctors or something that I can use. I'll have to go see them tomorrow. I wouldn't mind chatting with you a bit either. :3 Not just about this garbage, about other things... normal, less irrational things (read as: Saints Row awww yeaaaah). You seem like a cool person. x3 Any friend of the boobcat is a friend of mine.
And as for your psychiatrist seeing you for 10 minutes a month as opposed to the therapist (Good that you're seeing one btw) about 50 minutes a week, that just shows you how arrogant doctors can be. I know there's some who care about the person but I think most just care about making money. :/ It's really lame that he just brushes off your therapist's opinions and suggestions about what's best for you. My psychologist knew me better than half my non-immediate family do within the first few months. I remember verbally bitchslapping my teacher with that fact being the best experience EVAR.
Holy crap this is wall of textish WRAPPING THIS SHIT UP. Your school probably do have some good contacts they can offer, they usually have links to specialists with different problems here in case it's something they can't handle so hopefully it's the same where you live. :3 And talking would be awesome, I'm always up for getting to know new people. |D Online at least haha. Irl = intimidation. I'm an instant messaging program pimp so if you want my Skype, MSN or YIM just drop me a note and I'll SPILL THE GOODS.
I hope you find a new one, though. I can't imagine why he wouldn't switch you, though. What does he even get out of keeping you on this Celexa crap?
You know, I really have no idea why he's so stubborn. He's just... pompous and doesn't listen. Decided on a diagnosis using like 7 yes/no questions and has refused to adjust it since. I dunno. I think he just wants my money, doesn't want to go through all of the talking and refiling of paperwork associated with an adjusted diagnosis. *shrugs*
She wouldn't.
Until I gained nearly 50 pounds and had some uncontrollable twitching/eye blinking. Nerve damage. Like, severe. Then I FINALLY got off them and lost all of that. I've been depression free for about 2 years with the help of some supportive friends.
I hope you get some better medication soon- and I'm sorry about what you've had to go through. :c Some doctors just fucking suck.
I really hope you get a better doctor and some better medication.
As for your psychiatrist? I've been there too. It's not a fun thing to deal with, not at all. I wish you the best, hang in there.
I'm taking Celexa and Lithium, neither are doing much for concentration but they put me in a happy little daze. I'll have to fix this before school starts again.
Sorry for rambling, my point here is that I know what you're going through, since I'm currently dealing with a similar if not exactly the same situation. And I know that it sucks balls.
It's exhausting and time consuming, but it's a problem that can be fixed. New psychiatrist would be a wonderful first step, this guy doesn't seem to know what the hell he's doing here.
Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck. I've been where you are way too many times, and I know how hard it is. One day at a time, you've got this gurl :)
See this is why we need to live together, I'll be able to go with you when you meet with your doctors and be all BITCH DONT YOU BE YELLING MY YENA WHAT SHE DOES OR DOESNT NEED I WILL RUIN YOU.
IRL I WILL NOT HAVE MY CONTEXT AFFECTED BY TYPOS.
I have no experience with meds, but I have experience with depression and anit-social business. And I think, although don't take my opinion as valid for I'm 14, that you really need to see someone else. I feel as if he doesnt >care< and thats a really large value when you're meant to help someone out, go to your school and see if they have anyone that might actually be of use. My brother sees one and they talk like once a month, and even though shes french and hes english, (yay for being a QuebecFur?) they find a way to communicate and she changes the meds whenever she feels he changes in his interaction with her. (Like if he weren't looking at her in the eyes, mumbling words, all that loveliness.) she'd change the medication to help him, and I've been with him to see her once. And Even though I did most of the talking and they did more of the listening, (This yena can't shut up for her life.) she really did take my opinions into account and change her ways accordingly.
I think you need someone like that, one who actually >cares< and doesnt just give you meds that aren't going to help. He shouldn't be working if hes like this anyway, hes >meant< to care, and if he doesnt, well he needs to take up acting lessons to at least pretend to. Your guy is an idiot, find someone that isn't him. Because he doesn't >deserve< you, the way hes acting...I feel like he should take your opinions into account, and not ignore them because he has a degree or whatever its called.
If you need someone to talk to, (I'm normally online anyway) come to me if you want. We can talk on IM, or through notes, no problem. Us yenas gotta help eachother out, right?
I'll wish you luck,no matter wat.
A little bit of a late reply, since I was on vacation and just got back, but I hate not replying if I have something relevant to add to the conversation...
I am...
Also on medicine for anxiety and depression. Mostly anxiety, depression was worse when I was in high school, but both of them hit me way harder than a normal person, in times of stress when I need to be functioning instead of breaking down, crying, hearing things, and having terrifying spells of vertigo when I'm trying to drive. (Though even in normally unstresful situations I do some similar things to what you described.... I don't make eye contact, don't talk to people if I don't have to, and will go WAY out of my way to avoid calling people on the phone.)
Fluoxetine is what I take for this, and I haven't really had a problem since. It took a few months of medicine juggling to come to this conclusion, but it works for me, so maybe it would help you to look into it? The first thing I remember feeling, is realizing that this is exactly how I'd felt when I was a very small child and hadn't hit puberty yet XD I was like.... HOLY SHIT. IS THIS HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEEL MY WHOLE LIFE? o___o
I'd always thought I had just grown out of being able to feel excited about things o.o;
Social Anxiety is really a problem, I understand what you mean. It's really bad when your heart starts pounding and your palms get sweaty and you feel like the person you are talking to knows you're afraid and is most likely criticizing you. Dx
We should really start chatting more, maybe we can help each other out.
My ADHD is a much less terrible problem, but for about a year I was on a medication that wasn't helping me at all. I just had to sit through the side affects. Kept telling my parents it wasn't working, they kept not believing me and telling me that I just didn't want to take them.(I have a weird thing about hatred for pills /shudder)
So one day, just to see the effects, my mom's therapist or whatever it was told her to try one and see if it helped her. Totally unrelated to me.
And she got the exact same side affects I was describing and "No wonder you couldn't focus on anything, you were miserable all day.".
Upset stomach(barf-ish), feeling like Ihad to go to the bathroom(couldn't, only 3 hallpasses per week), headache, and anxious.
Never made me take medicine again and listened to me when I complained about shit.
Anyways, I really hope you can rally up some friends with shanks and find a nice new doctor. Good Luck :)