Hi there!

So uh... I got kicked out of my place. Not the most unexpected thing in the world but unexpected in the way that it happened. It's strange to be told a truth by someone and then have that truth taken away for trying to do something different. I know I could have done a lot better in the past with my dedication toward an educational goals but college isn't for everyone and that's something that rang through my ears for so many years.

I was told to go to college, I was told to do a lot of things because that's the way things are-- and I can accept that. However, asking me to excel at it and achieve goals that I don't want for myself is something you cannot ask of someone else. I didn't want to do any of that, I just wanted to live a simple life and get by and do what I love, which is managing communities and helping people. I thought I wanted to be a therapist, psychologist. I thought I wanted to director or a songwriter. But I realize I want to be a film actress, performer, writer and someones uplifting force. It took me so many years to figure out a general idea of what I wanted...

The things I want to be aren't something you need to go to college for in order to achieve and that's fine. If I have to work a normal forty hour shift making pretty decent money-- but being able to come home to communities and people that are across the planet that I can talk to is simply amazing to me. The experience and ability to talk to so many others is something that is so consistently plagued with the perception that they aren't real.

Trust is a huge factor in online friendships and it is one of the most difficult to bare with because of how quickly things can change and how views can part between each other. You don't know who that other person might be talking to that could potentially be their muse or downpour. You cannot tell if someones life is good or horrible based on how they are online unless they talk about it. There are so so so many things that play a factor into having online friendships, whether they've heard your voice, whether they know your name, whether they only type or email. It is a verity of ways of communication that's like a huge puzzle and figuring it out can be fun and exciting while being very risky and scary at times.

I was kicked out of my home for taking too long to get my Associates of Fine Arts degree, which is a degree that I apparently cannot do very many things with. I'm 21 years of age and I was expected to have the degree by the time I was 19. Well, I was at the end of my degree-- I only needed four more classes and that's it-- Bam, here is my associates... But I found out that two of the classes I was taking were not toward my degree and pretty much a waste of time to attend, so I was going to drop them. However, I had already had more than four drops and I cannot have more than that and the only way to avoid penalty was to just drop all the classes. That was my decision to make, so I made it. I decided that I would attend the next semester and finish my associates that date...

Mother had a very unrelenting response and essentially threatened me with violence and vulgar worlds but it wasn't anything too unexpected. I'm abrasive and I'm not very easily intimidated, so I was happy to see her try. That said, I really had my mind set-- I was going to get out that day-- that night-- no exceptions. She cut of the internet and took away what money I had left and gave me two weeks to get out. But I only needed a day, thanks. That night I gathered all my things, my bed, my desks, my computer, my clothes and accessories and I was gone. I'd never stuffed my car more than I did that day. I have a Honda Fit-- look it up. Can you believe I fit anything in that thing?

When I first left the home, I sat in a restaurant for about two hours texting  kataigida about what had happened and he is the kindest guy on the planet and there isn't anyone else who could have been there to comfort me more than he was... I felt so alone and scared-- and shocked heavily. I don't have very many friends in my actual life-- a total of about three... One of them is a slightly younger friend who I had met at the Queensbury Theater since we were in a show together. Another was an old High School friend who is in the same situation as I am.. And another friend is one that I haven't ever really had the privilege of knowing better and I feel so bad that I didn't.

Gil is a friend I met back in 2013 but I hadn't spoken to them really about anything. We stopped talking for about several years and one day I made a post about wanting to get out more... That was in mid 2016 and, sure, they have a thing for me but they are really nice and kind. Once I got to know him better, I knew how much he cared about my well-being and such but even then, I didn't want to give him any trouble because-- if you know me, I can be a revolutionary lady. I can cause havoc like no one else business, Erebus can tell you. I've often been called the Temperamental Queen from how strong my tone can change with just a slight ounce of new information to a debate. That said, I was never ever expecting them to help me in the way they did yesterday.

I texted these three friends of mine and only one responded. The one I never really talked to. The one that I never really knew until recently. The one who has a heart of gold like I do. (Except sometimes, Sometimes I'm a horrible warlord tiger tank!!). they offered me to stay at their place and they told me of all these big moves they could do in the rooms to let me have one but then... I set my eyes on this big empty closet... And I had never been so happy to see it. It was so cramped and small and I immediately decided-- I want to live in that closet.

So guess where I am now? Typing this up? Damn right, I'm in this fucking closet my dudes! I'm so happy to have even just this-- a small space all to myself and all that echoes in my mind now is... freedom.

Let her fly...
If she doesn't know how...
She'll learn.