FA+
Shop
Falling in reverse
8 years ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFf4ydip-zo
One thing that I learned over the past few years is to never get too attached. That was a given for a long time but it's much harder when it becomes a habit due to someone who sort of holds you on a leash. I fell in love with someone who didn't feel the same back and I'm okay with that, that was never the issue... But when I'm used and I can't even be looked at by that person as a friend, that's when it's an issue. I stuck by someone who I thought was a friend-- who I had to *convince* myself was a friend. I thought I could manage but I built worlds for this person and I've never felt more empty than I did during that time. Them talking to me was like a doggy treat that I rarely ever got. They only spoke to me when it was beneficial for them and I couldn't take it anymore.
I built communities for this person. They wanted a Steampunk RP, I made it and made it grow-- and we stayed there together. We moved on together, from places we didn't want to be... They wanted a Super Hero Roleplay server, I made it and built the community for it-- for them and I never gave up on it, despite the many trials and tribulations that it went through. I continued to push my way ahead and lead the path to build a strong and fortified community, only to look back and see that she had a knife to my throat the entire time. That's not what a friend should be. I've never felt more pushed away than I did those last few months with them. Happy Halloween, no response. Merry Christmas, no response. Happy near year....... No response.
I don't care if they would have said "Hey, I'm busy" or "Thanks." but nothing. Nothing at all and the more and longer I continued to talk to them, they just never cared to say hello. I was nothing to them, not after I gave them what they wanted and I was used up. I only ever wanted them to be happy but at the expense of my own well-being, it wasn't worth it. I saw how they sucked the life out of people in the past and I saw the signs but I didn't listen because I thought I could be the one to change it all. I was a fool to think that. I know its hard. Maybe I can't be what they want, but I'm just me. I was there when no one else cared and all at the end, bridges burned and nothing left to give. Now you got it, now you know, don't do it again-- because next time, it won't be someone as forgiving as me. Next time, it won't be someone who will hold their arms open for three months tying to hold you.
One day, no one will come looking for you because you'll had pushed away all of those who cared to even try.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted, but I'm just who I am-- and so are you.
One thing that I learned over the past few years is to never get too attached. That was a given for a long time but it's much harder when it becomes a habit due to someone who sort of holds you on a leash. I fell in love with someone who didn't feel the same back and I'm okay with that, that was never the issue... But when I'm used and I can't even be looked at by that person as a friend, that's when it's an issue. I stuck by someone who I thought was a friend-- who I had to *convince* myself was a friend. I thought I could manage but I built worlds for this person and I've never felt more empty than I did during that time. Them talking to me was like a doggy treat that I rarely ever got. They only spoke to me when it was beneficial for them and I couldn't take it anymore.
I built communities for this person. They wanted a Steampunk RP, I made it and made it grow-- and we stayed there together. We moved on together, from places we didn't want to be... They wanted a Super Hero Roleplay server, I made it and built the community for it-- for them and I never gave up on it, despite the many trials and tribulations that it went through. I continued to push my way ahead and lead the path to build a strong and fortified community, only to look back and see that she had a knife to my throat the entire time. That's not what a friend should be. I've never felt more pushed away than I did those last few months with them. Happy Halloween, no response. Merry Christmas, no response. Happy near year....... No response.
I don't care if they would have said "Hey, I'm busy" or "Thanks." but nothing. Nothing at all and the more and longer I continued to talk to them, they just never cared to say hello. I was nothing to them, not after I gave them what they wanted and I was used up. I only ever wanted them to be happy but at the expense of my own well-being, it wasn't worth it. I saw how they sucked the life out of people in the past and I saw the signs but I didn't listen because I thought I could be the one to change it all. I was a fool to think that. I know its hard. Maybe I can't be what they want, but I'm just me. I was there when no one else cared and all at the end, bridges burned and nothing left to give. Now you got it, now you know, don't do it again-- because next time, it won't be someone as forgiving as me. Next time, it won't be someone who will hold their arms open for three months tying to hold you.
One day, no one will come looking for you because you'll had pushed away all of those who cared to even try.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted, but I'm just who I am-- and so are you.
