While I'm used to being isolated from the rest of the population, the quarantine has pretty much made it more difficult for me to vent or chat with others of even the same furry or gaming communities. Seems like everyone is having a good time among their close friends. Something that I have pretty much lacked due to my dysfunctional social skills. While i know a lot of stuff only happens in my head, it still keeps me from asking to being able to get together in some online game to play. Even as I stream my game plays or art, I rarely get some form for conversation or chat. For a while, I try not to mind it and just enjoy the experience. But, once showtime is over, can't help but to cry at night. At the point, am tired and sad to even talk.
Don't really trust my family. Especially after all the damage they've done to me emotionally. Don't have a pet I can care for or cuddle with. I know its more like a ranting and vent, but I'm just fed up of always being dependent on living under others. Still, I'm also tired of not having someone I can trust near me. Yet, I only keep hanging on. The question is, how long until I give up completely.
No. I'm not suicidal. Pretty much discussed that even with my shrinks. Funny enough, the thought gets in my head, but I never consider it a choice. Its more, I just wanna fade away. Leaving no trace I even existed, so that even those that knew me won't be saddened or disturbed my absence.
Like I said, I'll just keep hanging in there. But, I pretty much don't keep an optimistic outlook in my life as being a happy one. I just live and survive.