While I'm very much used to an isolated life, the lack of contact has been quite heavy, especially after recovering from a similar depressive episode that costed my one of my jobs. Still, it also seems life many people, furries and normies, just been more and more distant. Even with the ability to communicate over the internet (which I use Discord most often), I'm seeing less and less voice chatters. While I do drop by many streamers to do chat, its not really the same as talking. Like in streaming, art or games, I'm not asking for a whooping 50+ active viewers to chat with. Sometimes, all I need is just 2 or 3 ppl to just keep me more interacted. Otherwise its really no different than me playing a game off line and by myself... like it has been most of my life.
This is pretty much convincing me to eventually and gradually give up on streaming, since its been hard to feel the good vibes from the community when no one is there. Kinda also a bit of a PTSD sorta problem. Been used to people telling me that they'll be there for me, they'll listen at any time, only to be criticized badly on my behavior and sometimes conditioning me to not bring my problems to others. So, its hard for me not to bottle up my feelings. Let alone, asking others to hang out or make a new friend (even feel that connection).
Not having access to my regular therapist and psychiatrist has also been a struggle. It was going so well until this pandemic struck. As someone who works in healthcare, I know the importance of the social distancing and the lockout. At times, hoping it would actually instill some change in people's manners and handling of wastes and all that jazz. Still, it can be mentally degrading, especially for those that are either very socially dependent, or those that have had issues connecting to others.
In any case, there might be a tuning down for my streams, or trying to look for an alternative to just stream games and art at my own pace, and attempt to socialize a bit better. In terms of art, been getting a bit of a block, not in the context of materials for me to do and practice, but more the mood hasn't been there to keep me going. While a side from me is wishing for better contact with others, another part wants to let you all know, here in the FA community, keep safe, stay healthy...... and hang in there (even I'm trying my best while being haunted by chronic depression and loneliness).